She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
