he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
