I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
