she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
