I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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