Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
