She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
