You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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