Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
God, I missed his penis.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
