i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
