My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
