my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's the barista slut.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize