cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
