We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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