chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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