I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
