Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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