I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
