just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize