We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
