I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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