Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
