Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
