when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
