i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
