OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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