Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
