i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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