Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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