You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
