I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
