my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
