I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
