I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
