You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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