I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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