I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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