Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
