i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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