My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
