don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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