Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i've created a new STD.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
