There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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