there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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