Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
