Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
