I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
