I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
