I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think people are normalizing furries
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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