found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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