So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
