hell yes lets make some ravioli
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize