why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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