I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
