the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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