Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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