what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
