You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
