you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
