dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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