why do cheetos always look like penises
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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