I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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