she woke up with a sticky ear
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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