I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I will pee on everything he values.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
