I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
