There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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