I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
