How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize