I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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