You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
