drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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