I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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