Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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