I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dicks are not precious.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize