Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
