Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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