if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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