I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
