is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Found the puke drawer
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
