Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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