She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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