A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
