From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize