I puked a lego.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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