I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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