ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
