and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize