Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
