i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
