he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
