so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
