I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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