Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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