I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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