Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How does it feel to date your dad?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
