Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
