I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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