How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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