one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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