The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
