a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
