He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
