Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
