he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
