I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
