The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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