The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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