conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
